Things Only Adults Notice In Small Soldiers
Remember "Small Soldiers?" If not, you're not alone, as it's a film that never really found its audience. According to director Joe Dante, it was originally intended to be an "edgy movie for teenagers," but once filming had finished, the studio pressured him to make it more family-friendly to reach a wider audience and create more opportunities for cross-promotional partnerships. Unfortunately, this compromise ended up pleasing no one, as the final result was still far too violent to be fully accepted by some families, but also not nearly weird enough to become a subversive cult favorite.
In the film, a toy company invents a new line of cutting-edge robotic toys, consisting of the brave Commando Elite, and their sworn enemies, the monstrous Gorgonites. However, due to an oversight in their design, the toys are given microchips containing experimental military AI. As such, once they end up in the hands of AAlan Abernathy, the ensuing war between these two factions unleashes untold chaos in the surrounding suburban neighborhood.
If you haven't seen the film since its initial release, it's a fascinating movie to revisit through adult eyes — not only because there's loads of grown-up content packed into this movie for kids, but also because it's significantly smarter than one might imagine, at times almost Verhoeven-esque in its satire of war and mega-corporations. It isn't quite the anarchic masterpiece it should have been, but at times, it gets pretty darned close.
Ms. Kegel has a firm grip
Unlike some family films, which secretly slip in occasional racy jokes for the adults in the audience, "Small Soldiers" is far more unapologetically unsubtle when it comes to adult content, in ways that even the youngest children will probably notice. As such, there aren't many double-entendre wordplay jokes in "Small Soldiers." But there is one that appears within the first couple of minutes.
At the beginning of the film, Heartland Toys has just been purchased by the defense contractor GloboTech Industries, which is starting to move into consumer products in addition to military ones. As such, two old employees of Heartland, Irwin and Larry, are about to meet their new boss, Gil Mars. But first, they have to meet his secretary. She introduces herself as Ms. Kegel, and she then gives Larry a comically firm handshake, one that he is seemingly unable to escape from. For those who don't know, the word "kegel" refers to a form of exercise that's designed to tighten pelvic muscles.
The Dirty Dozen versus Spinal Tap
Younger viewers may not be able to identify much of the voice cast of "Small Soldiers," but back in the '90s, every single one of them was a known celebrity, to one degree or another. Playing Chip Hazard — leader of the Commandos — is Tommy Lee Jones. He's made a career of playing square-jawed authority figures, and here he plays a delightfully exaggerated parody of himself, with a dash of R. Lee Ermey thrown in. Leading the Gorgonites is Archer — an introspective half-cat, half-man with undiagnosed depression — played by Frank Langella. Langella is no stranger to playing various flavors of Byronic monsters, from Dracula to Skeletor, and as such, he embodies the role of Archer with a surprising amount of pathos and humanity.
Once you move deeper into the rosters of these two rival factions, things get even more interesting, as each group draws on a separate stable of actors who've worked together previously. The hardened Commando Elite are largely voiced by actors who previously appeared together in "The Dirty Dozen," including Jim Brown, George Kennedy, Clint Walker, and Ernest Borgnine. Even more surprising, the cast of the Gorgonites includes Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer, three actors who've appeared in many films together, most notably the legendary comedy mockumentary "This is Spinal Tap." All this means that if you watch "Small Soldiers" with your eyes closed, you can imagine the greatest crossover battle in cinematic history: "The Dirty Dozen versus Spinal Tap."
It packs some surprisingly cutting social commentary
Underneath all the explosions and pop culture references, "Small Soldiers" is far smarter, angrier, and more politically engaged than anyone gave it credit for during its initial release. It's deeply critical of corporations, the military, and the uncomfortably close relationship that these two groups often share.
The film argues that when a corporation pursues profit above all else, everything else will be sacrificed along the way. Why didn't GloboTech run any tests to see if the Commandos were dangerous? They were rushing to hit a Christmas deadline. To quote Joe the truck driver, "Corporations, right hand doesn't know what the left hand is screwing up."
"Small Soldiers" is also critical of pro-military propaganda disguised as children's entertainment. According to their packaging, the American military-coded Commando Elite are the heroes, and the alien Gorgonites are the villains. But in truth, the Gorgonites are pacifists, in part because they are "programmed to lose," and the Commandos are trigger-happy thugs, stopping at nothing to exterminate these foreign invaders, despite their peaceful nature.
However, the most damning criticism of all occurs at the film's conclusion. Although the nominal villains — the Commando Elite — are destroyed, the actual villains — GloboTech — aren't punished at all. Gil Mars just writes a series of checks to the various traumatized parties, buying their silence. He then picks up the charred husk of a Commando and, after asking Irwin what they've been selling these for, says "Add a few zeros to the end of that number and contact our military division. I know some South American rebels who will find these toys very entertaining." Far from being defeated, GloboTech is just getting started.
It's secretly Gremlins 3?
Over the years, many — including Joe Dante himself — have argued that "Small Soldiers" can be viewed as a spiritual successor to "Gremlins," the director's previous film franchise. In some ways, this is obvious. The film is similar in tone to those classic horror comedies, and this plot also revolves around a group of ordinary people being menaced by an army of tiny semi-adorable monsters. Other references, however, are easier to miss.
There are a few supporting actors who carry over from "Gremlins" to "Small Soldiers." Dick Miller plays lovable blue-collar grump Murray Futterman in both "Gremlins" films," and he returns in "Small Soldiers" to once again play basically the same character, albeit with a different name: Joe the truck driver. Additionally, two of the Abernathys' neighbors are played by Jackie Joseph and Belinda Balaski. Joseph previously played Murray's wife Sheila in "Gremlins," and Balaski shows up in both "Gremlins" films in different roles. Finally, Robert Picardo, who played Forster, the chief of security, in "Gremlins 2," has an incredible one-scene role in "Small Soldiers" as an irritable scientist who begrudgingly educates Irwin and Larry in a lengthy monologue that's dripping with venom.
There's also a handful of "Gremlins" Easter eggs snuck into the film. Irwin's computer password is "Gizmo," named after everyone's favorite friendly Mogwai. A Gizmo toy also appears later in the film, in a dumpster behind "The Inner Child" toy store, and there's also a toy Gremlin skull on Alan's desk. Finally, the Abernathy family car is a Volkswagon Beetle, just like "Gremlins" protagonist Billy Peltzer's.
The Commando Elite want to play house with Gwendy
Midway through the film, the Commando Elite find themselves in the bedroom of Alan's neighbor Christy. There they discover a very different assemblage of toys: Christy's collection of Barbie dolls, referred to as "Gwendy" dolls.
As one might imagine, the stereotypically macho Commandos immediately begin making a series of barely veiled comments about the ways in which they'd like to play with these new toys. Kip remarks that they're fully posable, and Link makes a request for some "R & R." The camera then cuts to a long, lingering shot of a toy-sized bed with a heart-print bedspread in the Gwendy dollhouse as Link is considering the possibility of spending some time in that bed with his new potential playthings.
Chip firmly denies these requests, telling the men that, in fact, these dolls are going to be their reinforcements. One mad science montage later, the Gwendys are brought to life, now voiced by Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci. As far as we're concerned, this is a much better direction for this ostensibly family-friendly story to take than whatever the Commandos were thinking.
It's shockingly violent
For a '90s movie that sold toys at Burger King, "Small Soldiers" is often shockingly frank and graphic when it comes to its depictions of violence. The Commando Elite regularly threatens our child heroes with lines such as "Let's see if her head comes off" or "Son, you can be a prisoner or a casualty. It's up to you." They drug unsuspecting parents with sleeping pills, use kids as hostages, chase people with chainsaws, and even light a guy's pants on fire.
Sure, all these threats of violence are pushing the limits of family-friendly entertainment, but there are also a few times when the violence isn't just threatened, it actually happens, and our child protagonist suffers some pretty gnarly injuries as a result. Alan ends up with visibly bloody wounds three separate times throughout the film. First, Nick Nitro slices him with a rotary tool. Later. Link Static stabs a bunch of cornholders into his leg. During the final battle, Chip Hazard drives a knife into his hand. Although these are definitely "blink and you'll miss it" moments, nowadays showing any actual blood in a film, no matter how briefly, is something that most kids' films tend to avoid.
A one-liner that crosses the line
Whenever you revisit a '90s comedy, there's always a chance that you'll run across a joke that is in truly terrible taste. For the most part, "Small Soldiers" does fairly well on this front, with only a light sprinkling of misogyny and homophobia in passing moments. There's one joke, however, that's quite insensitive, but most kids watching it for the first time probably won't understand it. During the scene in which Alan and Christy are battling a room full of killer Gwendy dolls, Christy's weapon of choice is a baton. As she begins to wail on the evil dolls, one of them shouts "It's a baton death march!" This is a reference to the Bataan Death March, an actual historical event that is no laughing matter.
An additional moment of somewhat questionable humor occurs when the Commando Elite are conducting a siege on the Abernathy family home. In order to try to get our heroes to surrender, the Commandos begin blasting the music of the Spice Girls at maximum volume. Using music as a form of psychological torture was already an established tactic in warfare at this point, most famously when US soldiers blasted loud rock music during an extended standoff with Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega. This particular joke is certainly more defensible than the last one, though, as it's clearly satirizing this particular aspect of warfare. That being said, given the revelations that have since come out about the ways that music was used by US forces to torture prisoners in places like Guantanamo Bay, this is still a moment that hits differently now than it did in 1998.
There are countless homages to older films
As is often the case for a Joe Dante film, "Small Soldiers" contains countless homages to older cinema. The most extensive one occurs when the Commandos are bringing the Gwendy dolls to life. It's a recreation of a similar moment from "Bride of Frankenstein," and it even plays a bit of that film's beautifully haunting score throughout the sequence. However, that's just the beginning, as almost every major scene in "Small Soldiers" contains at least some sort of nod to cinema of the past.
The film borrows quite a bit of imagery from "The Terminator," even recreating the famous "stepping on a skull" shot when Gil Mars crushes a Commando head beneath his shoe. Chip Hazard delivers an inspirational speech standing in front of an enormous American flag jigsaw puzzle, a toy-sized recreation of a famous scene from "Patton." Given that this is a parody of war films, there's also the obligatory homage to "Apocalypse Now," featuring a "Ride of the Valkyries" needle drop as Chip Hazard pilots a toy helicopter.
If we ran down every film reference in "Small Soldiers," we'd be here all day, but there are also nods to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," "White Heat," "The War of the Worlds," and even "Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia." Heck, even the final line of the movie is a reference. Moments before the final fade to black, as the Gorgonites sail off into the unknown on their model boat, Slamfist says, "I hope we don't hit an iceberg," a nod to the then extremely topical "Titanic."
Only '90s kids will get these references
From its flannel-clad heroes to its boombox-based warfare, "Small Soldiers" is certainly in the running for one of the most '90s movies ever made. Younger audience members will probably recognize many of the nods the film makes to then-contemporary culture, but there's also a handful of moments that may leave them scratching their heads. And for that, we're here to help.
First, when Archer wants to learn more about Earth, he takes some time to educate himself using Alan's computer. He later refers to Alan as "Keeper of Encarta." What's Encarta, you ask? Well, in the time before Wikipedia, Encarta was an encyclopedia computer program published by Microsoft, initially accessed not through the internet, but as a collection of CDs.
Another potentially confusing moment occurs a bit later in the film, after Nick Nitro falls in battle. Chip Hazard eulogizes him by saying "His battery has run out, but his memory will keep going, and going, and going." This is a reference to an old marketing slogan of the battery brand Energizer, which has since shortened its motto to simply "Still Going."
There are also a couple of jokes that younger audiences might not fully understand the context of, in terms of how those moments speak to larger cultural norms of the time. The film equates the music of the Spice Girls with psychological torture, and also it briefly pokes fun at professional wrestling for not being "real." It cannot be overstated how frequently both the Spice Girls and the "fakeness" of professional wrestling were used as go-to punchlines for late '90s comedy.
It's not all CGI
Kids born after the year 2000 grew up surrounded by films with fairly photorealistic computer-generated imagery, and not many practical effects. As such, they might assume that the many walking and talking toys in "Small Soldiers" were created entirely with CGI — much like in the original "Toy Story," released three years earlier. If so, they'd only be partially right. "Small Soldiers" does indeed use a great deal of computer imagery, created by Industrial Light and Magic, but it also has a fair amount of traditional special effects, including some surprisingly sophisticated animatronic puppets created by Stan Winston Studio.
Stan Winston is one of the most celebrated special effects artists of all time, contributing makeup and puppetry to films such as "Aliens," "The Thing," "Edward Scissorhands," and "Jurassic Park." Given when it was released, "Small Soldiers" falls into a transitional period between the dying art of classic puppetry and the burgeoning world of CGI. Although the computer effects aren't perfect, they're certainly impressive by the standards of 1998. In certain shots, it's genuinely a little tough to tell where the puppetry ends and the CG begins.
The Phil Hartman scenes hit different now
"Small Soldiers" features a stunning lineup of character actors giving it their all, but none are better than Phil Hartman. This delightfully hammy comedian came to prominence through his work on shows like "Saturday Night Live" and "The Simpsons," and in films like "Pee-wee's Big Adventure" and "Jingle All the Way." In this movie, Hartman plays gadget-obsessed suburbanite Phil Fimple, the father of Kirsten Dunst's character Christy. Strangely enough, these two actors also appeared in another film together released in the same year as "Small Soldiers," when they supplied the voices for Kiki and her pet cat Jiji in the English dub of the Studio Ghibli film "Kiki's Delivery Service."
Younger kids might not even know who Hartman is anymore, but older viewers can't watch any of his films nowadays without feeling a painful pang of nostalgia. "Small Soldiers" ended up being Hartman's last theatrically released movie, as he died tragically after production wrapped, but before the film was released. The film is dedicated to Hartman's memory, and it even features a little post-credits tribute. It's a close-up take on Hartman's face as he delivers a seemingly random line in the middle of the film. Then, from off-screen, director Joe Dante calls "Cut," and Hartman asks "Was that too much?" The unseen Dante replies, "I've never heard you say that before," and Hartman chuckles at this very solid burn. The screen then fades to black, followed by the message "For Phil." If you're too young to feel yourself tearing up when you see that, do yourself a favor and bone up on Hartman's filmography. You'll thank us later.