Jennette McCurdy's Tragic True Life Story
When one thinks of hit tween shows of the early 2000s, "iCarly" is likely one of the first to come to mind. The Dan Schneider-created sitcom follows internet sensation Carly Shay (Miranda Cosgrove) and her friends, tech wiz Freddie Benson (Nathan Kress) and tough-as-nails Sam Puckett (Jennette McCurdy), as they navigate online fame while balancing ordinary high school lives.
On screen, McCurdy is quick-witted and sarcastic, and never hesitates to whip out the "butter sock" when someone has wronged herself or her friends. In many instances, she's the comic relief of "iCarly." Yet behind the scenes, the actress led a much darker life than her Nickelodeon persona.
From her overpowering mother, who essentially forced her into the entertainment industry for the financial perks, to her battles with an eating disorder, alcoholism and OCD, to alleged abuse from Nickelodeon powerhouse Schneider, the former child star didn't have it easy growing up. Read on for McCurdy's tragic true life story.
She was pushed into acting by her mother
While many actors and actresses dream of stardom from a very young age, begging their parents to take them to auditions, this was not the case for Jennette McCurdy. As a child, she was extremely shy and had no interest in appearing on a TV screen, but she embarked down this unwanted career path because of her mother, Debra McCurdy. "My mom had always dreamt of being a famous actor and she became obsessed with making me a star," Jennette told People.
Despite her shyness, 6-year-old Jennette allowed her mother to take her to audition after audition, all in an effort to ease the profound tension in the household. According to Jennette, Debra was emotionally erratic, often experiencing violent outbursts and physically fighting with her husband, Mark McCurdy. Therefore, when Jennette's success in the industry began to blossom and Debra had something to distract her from such incidents, Jennette didn't hesitate to stick with it ... even if it meant having her hair bleached and teeth whitened by her mom at only 10 years old. "I felt like my job was to keep the peace," she said. "And I wanted to make my mom happy."
Debra was certainly happy when her daughter began bringing home some cash for her work. In her memoir "I'm Glad My Mom Died," Jennette revealed that her mom would dip into the earnings for both a salary (she served as Jennette's representative) and funding for unspecified essentials.
Her mom performed bodily exams through her teen years
Not only was Jennette McCurdy's career controlled by her mother, but so was her body, as recalled in "I'm Glad My Mom Died." In childhood, Jennette had to ask Debra McCurdy's blessing to use the bathroom, since Debra didn't believe professional actresses took breaks during a working day. When an 8-year-old Jennette had no choice but to relieve herself, Debra was right by her side to clean her afterward.
Additionally, throughout childhood and until around the age of 16, Debra gave Jennette showers and performed regular exams of her breasts and vaginal area, allegedly to check for cancer. During these exams, Jennette tried to focus her thoughts on happy things like Disneyland.
Jennette told the Washington Post, "She worked really hard to keep our relationship private. I now see it as conditioning, but at the time I thought, 'Oh, mommy and me have a relationship that's so special.' Like when you have a best friend and you have all these secrets and that feels like a form of intimacy. That's exactly what my mom did with me, only it wasn't friendship. It was abuse."
She turned to alcohol when her mom got sick
Jennette McCurdy was just 2 years old when her mother Debra was initially diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Though she beat it, the cancer came back in full force in 2013, landing her in the hospital. Jennette reflected in her memoir that Dan Schneider pressured her into drinking on set, but she never really took an interest in alcohol. That is, until 2013, when Debra was in her final moments of life.
Jennette and a friend embarked on a road adventure, during which she drank for the first time of her own accord. Jennette loved the feeling, and continued to down numerous shots of liquor daily, free to make poor choices without being maternally scrutinized. In fact, she was hungover when she got the news from Mark McCurdy that Debra was in her last hours. Despite her current state, and following a lifetime of abuse, Jennette rushed to Debra's bedside to say goodbye. However, it would be three more years before she parted ways with her newfound alcohol addiction.
"I had to kind of fight the demons on my own time," Jennette said in her 2020 one-woman show "I'm Glad My Mom Died." "I went dark. I went off of social media. I quit acting. I had to make these pretty big life decisions in order to deal with my stuff, my life."
She got an eating disorder at age 11
In a guest piece for HuffPost, Jennette McCurdy was candid about how Debra McCurdy instilled restrictions on her calorie consumption. According to Jennette, her mom's control over her portions made sense given Debra's own struggles with anorexia as a teenager, which Jennette doesn't think she ever overcame. For a while, Jennette believed Debra had her best interests in mind.
"I didn't really recognize that my mom was aiding in my disordered eating until one night riding home from dance class when I was 12," Jennette said. "She turned around to face me from the front seat and said, 'Angelica's mom is really concerned about your weight. She said she brought it up to the other dance moms and they're all worried you're too thin. They're thinking about calling to get you help ... If anybody asks, just tell them you're eating normally,' she directed."
Despite recognizing that her mom's behavior was a problem, disordered eating became ingrained in Jennette, who, at the heart of her "iCarly" fame, measured her thighs on a nightly basis and would purge up to 10 times a day. It also didn't help that the smaller she looked, the more compliments she'd receive from stylists and others on set. Eventually, at the insistence of her sister-in-law, Jennette began the road to recovery. Though it wasn't easy, with Jennette experiencing a few relapses along the way, she learned to have a healthier relationship with food.
She had OCD, but thought it was a religious experience
As a child, Jennette McCurdy had more on her plate than most should. From having to serve as the family's breadwinner to maintaining a thin physique, there was a lot she had to worry about thanks to the lessons instilled by her mother. While these tasks were certainly toxic, they were achievable. Yet at one point, Jennette took on a burden that was downright impossible: keeping a cancer-stricken Debra McCurdy alive.
She told Alison Stewart on the "All Of It" podcast, "I had OCD as a child and I also grew up Mormon. I thought my OCD was the Holy Ghost speaking to me. And I thought that the Holy Ghost was helping me to keep my mom alive and if I didn't continue with my, what I know now as OCD rituals, my mom would die, was my kid logic there."
Even as a teenager, Jennette thought she was responsible for her mom's illness. At this age, it was because she still thought her rituals were failing, and also because Debra bluntly told her daughter that she caused the cancer. Jennette, who at that point still took her mom's words as mostly the truth, said, "It was a very layered, warped way of thinking."
She has bad memories about Dan Schneider
"iCarly," "Zoey 101," "Victorious" and numerous other hit Nickelodeon shows of the early 2000s all have one thing in common: they were produced by Dan Schneider. However, according to Jennette McCurdy, the man behind some of the network's most iconic sitcoms wasn't so great behind the scenes. In her memoir, McCurdy discussed several uncomfortable encounters with the controversial Schneider, who she refers to as "The Creator." From pressuring her to wear bikinis and drink at the age of 18 (he wanted the "iCarly" gang to be more rebellious like he claimed the cast of "Victorious" was) to giving her a shoulder massage and losing his temper on set, the list goes on.
McCurdy told the Washington Post, "It was so commonplace, his behavior, and it was so accepted because everyone was scared of losing their job. I don't blame any of them. I get it. But it was really uncomfortable, everything that happened in a children's television series environment. It really seems like there's not much of a moral compass there."
After "Sam and Cat" came to an end, McCurdy said she was offered $300,000 from Nickelodeon to never speak about the Schneider-led environment, but she turned it down.
She struggled with female friendships
One of the many incorrect ideals that Jennette McCurdy's mom put in her head as a child was that friendships with other girls were destined for disaster. "My mom was always saying, 'Men will never really know you and they'll hurt you, but women will know you deeply and then they'll hurt you. You tell me which is worse,'" McCurdy told Today. Despite having these thoughts in the back of her mind, McCurdy became true friends with her "iCarly" co-star Miranda Cosgrove, who she considered a sister during their years on Nickelodeon. Still, to McCurdy's dismay, the two went their separate ways after the show.
Though she had a new female co-star to befriend on "Sam and Cat," McCurdy never clicked with Ariana Grande in the way she did with Cosgrove. McCurdy felt overshadowed by the blossoming pop star, whom she felt the network was investing more time and effort into. While Grande was off performing at the Grammys and playing charades at the home of Tom Hanks, McCurdy's world was limited to the Nickelodeon sitcom, a situation that she was not thrilled about.
Her revealing photos sparked rumors
In 2014, photos of Jennette McCurdy in lingerie were leaked online, just as "Sam and Cat" was on hiatus after its inaugural season. The timing led many to believe that the shots were responsible for the break, and that the show would not return because of them. Additionally, around the same time, McCurdy did not attend the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards, even though she was up for one.
McCurdy took to Twitter to inform her fans that her absence from the awards show had nothing to do with the leaked pictures. Rather, she said, "It has to do with how Nickelodeon treated me." A statement from Nickelodeon reiterated the fact that the pictures weren't a problem and didn't result in the hiatus: "The photos caused no issues between McCurdy and the network, and we have the utmost respect for her."
Ultimately, it was reported that McCurdy's absence at the awards show was due to her allegedly smaller paycheck compared to that of Ariana Grande. McCurdy tweeted, "No matter who or what you support, I believe in supporting fairness first." Still, Grande countertweeted that she and McCurdy were treated equally financially, and she wasn't bringing in a larger paycheck: "I am, have always been and always will be about equality and fairness."
She was lied to about her real father
Up until her mom's death in 2013, Jennette McCurdy was naturally under the impression that Mark McCurdy — the man that she was told was her father — was, well, her actual father. However, after Debra McCurdy's death, Mark revealed that this wasn't the case, and that his late wife was unfaithful. Neither Jennette nor her brothers were Mark's kids.
Jennette said on "The Drew Barrymore Show," "I remember feeling like I got the wind knocked out of me. My mouth was really dry." Despite the shock of such news, Mark's disengaged nature toward her throughout her adolescence all began to make some sense.
Though Mark didn't know who Debra cheated on him with, Jennette found her biological father – an acclaimed trombone player — online. Along with some friends, including Miranda Cosgrove, Jennette traveled to meet him in person. It was an eye-opening encounter, with Jennette learning that she came close to having a completely different life. Her real dad fought to get custody over Jennette and her brothers, but lost to Debra. Fearful that his presence in their lives would be too much for them to handle, he quietly waited for Jennette and/or her brothers to make first contact.
She eventually attended therapy and recognized her mom's abuse
Growing up, Jennette McCurdy always had inklings that her mom's behavior wasn't normal. Her friend's mothers didn't count their kids' calories or deter them from befriending an entire gender. But such actions became ingrained in McCurdy, who carried on many of Debra McCurdy's ways even after she lost her cancer battle. Jennette told the Washington Post, "I was still very much the person I was while my mom was alive."
But eventually, without the shadow of Debra hanging over her, Jennette began to realize just how problematic her upbringing was and sought out therapy. After many grueling sessions, she was able to fully grasp the fact that her mom was abusive. "It was a very slow-moving process, excruciating in a lot of ways," she said of therapy. "Coming to terms with the reality of what my life had been was not simple. It was not painless. It was through consistent work and exploration that it became freeing and healing."
She feels unfulfilled by her work on Nickelodeon
For those who grew up avidly watching Nickelodeon's early 2000s shows, Jennette McCurdy was likely a pretty big part of their childhood. Still, despite bringing happiness to the masses as the butter sock-wielding Sam Puckett on "iCarly," McCurdy doesn't look back on those roles with any sense of pride. In fact, she's ashamed of them.
She said on the "Empty Inside" podcast, "I resent my career in a lot of ways. I feel so unfulfilled by the roles that I played and felt like it was the most cheesy, embarrassing [thing]. I did the shows that I was on from like, 13 to 21, and by 15, I was already embarrassed."
After so many years of feeling less-than-fulfilled in her career (which she never even wanted in the first place), McCurdy stepped away from acting in 2018. However, this doesn't mean she's opposed to ever appearing on screen again. She told E! News that, if she's someday able to write a project for herself, she'd consider returning: "I think that'd really be maybe one of the only ways I could kind of try exploring it again."
She's coping with her trauma through a memoir and podcast
After nearly a lifetime of hiding her toxic home life from the public eye, Jennette McCurdy released her built-up trauma in the 2022 memoir "I'm Glad My Mom Died." Since its release, the book has become a New York Times bestseller and sold more than two million copies. Regarding the title, McCurdy said that she wanted something attention-grabbing and humorous, but also something that would resonate with fellow children of abusive parents.
It was a courageous move for McCurdy to share such details of her life with the world, but she's had much support along the way. She said that her brothers, who also grew up enduring Debra McCurdy's abuse, were very understanding of her need to write the memoir. Her former Nickelodeon colleagues also voiced their praise. "iCarly" star Jerry Trainor told E! News, "I read it immediately. It's heartbreaking, but it's also brilliant and funny. I felt a lot of pride for her being able to speak her truth." Josh Peck told Page Six, "I think she is incredibly brave to tell her story and to be as honest as she is."
Additionally, in fall 2023, McCurdy launched her "Hard Feelings" podcast, which features the author bringing humor to painful human experiences like anxiety and jealousy.
If you or anyone you know needs help with addiction issues, has an eating disorder, or may be the victim of child abuse, contact the relevant resources below:
- Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
- Visit the National Eating Disorders Association website or contact NEDA's Live Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. You can also receive 24/7 Crisis Support via text (send NEDA to 741-741).
- Please contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-Child (1-800-422-4453) or contact their live chat services.